Friends: My Queens

The People Who Feel Like Home 🤍🌹

One of the best things in life is finding people you can just be yourself around. The ones you can sit on the phone with for hours without having to fill every silence, while one of you is driving, cleaning, making dinner or doing whatever needs doing. You might have a laugh about something completely ridiculous, then go quiet again, and neither of you feels the need to make a thing of it.

That’s a rare kind of friendship, and as I’ve got older, I’ve realised just how much it means to me. The people who know when something isn’t right, even when you haven’t found the words to explain it. The ones who don’t expect you to put on a happy face or pretend you’re fine, and who are willing to sit with you while you work through the same things you’ve probably talked about a hundred times before. Because sometimes you don’t need advice or somebody trying to fix everything. You just need somebody who knows you well enough to understand that you’re struggling.

I’ve got people like that in my life, and I don’t think I’ve always appreciated just how much they’ve helped me. When you’ve spent years dealing with trauma, you can get used to keeping everything to yourself. You say you’re fine, tell everyone you’ve got it under control and carry on because that’s what you’ve learned to do. Letting people see what’s actually going on can feel far more uncomfortable than pretending nothing is wrong.

Recently, I asked my best friend to look through what I’ve been creating for SBQ. She’s been beside me for 30 years, so she’s seen a lot of the life behind this brand. I expected her to give me her honest opinion about the designs and probably point out all the things I could change or improve. That’s usually what I expect from people, if I’m honest. I’m so used to anticipating criticism that sometimes I struggle to take a step back and recognise what I’ve actually achieved.

Instead, she cried.

It wasn’t really about the designs themselves. It was what they represented, and the memories behind them. She knows what I’ve lived through because she’s been there for parts of it. She remembers the times I turned up at her house after being brutally beaten, frightened, in pain and barely able to hold myself together. Her parents opened their door to me without making me feel ashamed or asking me to justify what had happened. They gave me somewhere safe to go when I needed it, and I will never forget that.

To you and your parents, thank you. I’m sorry you had to witness some of those moments, and I wish things had been different. But you gave me kindness and safety when I desperately needed both. You helped me through things that no person should have to experience, and I don’t think words can properly explain what that has meant to me over the years.

There is something quite difficult about looking back at your life through somebody else’s eyes. You remember the things you survived, but you don’t always see how much the people around you were carrying, too. My friend has stood beside me through some of the worst parts of my life, as well as the ordinary things that happen in between. Friendships, relationships, marriages, divorces, children, changes and all the unpredictable shit life throws at you. Thirty years is a long time to know somebody, and we’ve certainly had plenty of life happen in that time.

Recently, she also gave me a charm engraved with SBQ and SBK. She bought it because she’s proud of me and wanted to show her support for what I’m building. It might seem like a small thing to somebody else, but it meant a lot to me. When you’re working on something that comes from such a personal place, having somebody who understands why you’re doing it makes a difference. She wasn’t just giving me a charm. She was reminding me that she sees what I’m trying to do, even on the days when I doubt myself.

And that’s where the guilt comes in, because I don’t think we talk enough about how strange it can feel to be supported when you’ve spent so long struggling. Sometimes it’s easier to believe the negative things you’ve been told about yourself than to accept that somebody genuinely sees something good in you. You can become so accustomed to expecting things to go wrong that even a kind gesture catches you off guard.

For years, I’ve hidden behind the usual responses. I’m fine. I’m okay. I’ve got this. I’m a badass. And yes, sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m just a woman trying to get through the day without everything becoming too much. I’ve survived things I’m not always comfortable talking about, and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get on with life without really dealing with what happened. Surviving and healing aren’t the same thing, and I’m only now beginning to understand how much I’ve carried with me.

That’s a big part of why I’m building SBQ. It isn’t just clothing, and it isn’t about creating some perfect image of a woman who’s overcome everything and come out the other side completely sorted. I know that isn’t reality because it isn’t mine. SBQ comes from experiences I’ve lived through, things I’m still working on and a desire to create something that other women might recognise themselves in.

I want women to be able to look at this brand and know that they don’t have to hide the difficult parts of their lives to be worthy of good things. You can have a past you’re still trying to understand. You can make mistakes, struggle with your mental health, have days when you don’t feel strong at all and still be somebody who deserves love, friendship and respect. I’m not saying I’ve mastered any of that myself. I’m still learning, and there are plenty of days when I get things wrong.

But I am trying to be more honest about who I am and what I’ve been through, rather than pretending everything is neatly tucked away in the past. If I’m going to build a brand around real women and real stories, then it needs to come from a real place. I don’t want SBQ to become another polished version of life where everything sounds wonderful as long as you word it correctly.

The people who have stood beside me have helped me see that I don’t have to do everything alone. They haven’t magically fixed my life, and they can’t take away what happened, but they’ve given me support, understanding and somewhere to turn when things have been difficult. Sometimes that is exactly what you need from another person.

So, to my best friend, her parents and the people who have stayed in my life through the good, the bad and the times when I’ve probably been an absolute nightmare to deal with, thank you. I might not always say it properly, and I know I don’t always find it easy to let people know how much they mean to me, but I do appreciate you. You know who you are. ❤️

I’m still building SBQ, still working through my own experiences and still figuring out what comes next. I don’t have a perfect ending to this story because I’m living it as I go. What I do know is that the people who have made room for me in their lives, especially when I haven’t been able to make much sense of my own, have made a difference I’ll never take for granted.

And if you’re lucky enough to have people like that, look after those friendships. Not because you owe them perfection or need to prove your gratitude every day, but because genuine connection is worth making time for.

SBQ | Scars Build Queens. 👑🌹

Real women. Real stories. Real connections. No pretending.